The Official SpongeBob SquarePants Cookbook – Great recipes from Bikini Bottom

Review by C.J. Bunce

It’s time to pull on your anti-sea-rhinoceros undergarments, strap on a laser helmet, measure your powdered driftwood and seahorse radish (not made with real seahorses), and locate your fully automated nutcracker. It’s time for all Bikini Bottomites to unite for some hot crossed nuts, a spicy pineapple cheeseball, some sea pebble stew, and canned bread. It’s all courtesy of The Official SpongeBob SquarePants Cookbook, available now from Ten Speed Press here at Amazon. You’ve heard of the food, but we’d be surprised if you think of Nickelodeon’s SpongeBob SquarePants first when you’re getting ready to make something in your own kitchen. It was a surprise for us here at borg, but this book is full of some of the best recipes we’ve seen in 15 years of reviewing cookbooks. In fact we dove in and tried five of them.

So how did we fare?

First, this isn’t your typical assemblage of highbrow foodie fare. This is all about easy-to-make good eats that won’t test your palette and doesn’t require you to hunt three cities over for ingredients. The cookbook is divided by appetizers, entrées, desserts, and drinks, with suggested menus including Picnic at Seashell Park, Squidward’s Dinner Party, Barbecue at Sandy’s, Dinner at Plankton’s, and Best Friends Forever Party with SpongeBob and Patrick. Fun images of all your favorite characters from the show are peppered in among 50 recipes, complete with an introduction by Ms. Mayor and the Bikini Bottom Historical Society.

Let’s start with this massive Spicy Pineapple Cheeseball, from a recipe contributed by Lady Upturn. We’re still eating on this epic blend of pineapple, red peppers, cream cheese, and pecans. There’s probably no Hickory Farms in Bikini Bottom, but this dish is a cut above any cheeseball we’ve tried before. Those ingredients don’t sound like they’d work together but the cream cheese and pineapple are nice cuts against the pepper heat and some pepperjack cheese and chili powder. Wow! We’ll be making this again.

Next we tried the Golden Loaf, from a recipe supplied by the crime-fighting duo of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. Homemade whipped honey butter? Count us in. This was a simple recipe for an amped up cornbread. It features creamed corn, honey (lots of honey!), buttermilk, and butter in the bread, and did we mention whipped honey butter? This sort of side dish/sort of dessert didn’t last long at all. This would be good to add to a Thanksgiving dinner.

And of course there are Hot Crossed Nuts. I’ve been looking for a good recipe for flavoring nuts for the holidays. This recipe was provided by Sandy Cheeks. It calls for any mix of raw nuts, like pecans, pistachios, cashew, or almonds. We used only pecans, and… I would do that again. I think at the temperature provided you really need a mix, and pecans solely tasted a little on the burnt side for me. This recipe probably calls from experimentation and extra attempts to get it just right. It includes brown sugar, paprika, chili powder, ground mustard, cumin, and more. The flavor profile was right, and it almost arrived at the promised barbecue flavor.

Next we tried the 5-Star Alfredo, submitted by Squilliam Fancyson III. This is another dish where I’d suggest you add more seasonings. It’s an attempt to make an Alfredo sauce that isn’t so rich, using butternut squash as the key ingredient. Garlic cloves, nutmeg, and parmesan added to some fettucine, and there you have it. I added some syrup to the recipe to give it the sugar kick you would find in a tomato sauce.

And last but definitely not least we tried out Sandy’s E=MC² Smoothie. Okay, so we like what Sandy Cheeks has to offer. This was contender for best of the pack with that cheeseball. Vanilla protein powder, Dutch cocoa powder, cinnamon, 2 spoons of peanut butter, Greek yogurt and a banana, and it tastes like the richest peanut butter shake you’ve ever tried. It’s definitely worthy of your favorite diner.

Here is a look at some more recipes inside The Official SpongeBob SquarePants Cookbook:

Whether you first came to know SpongeBob SquarePants from its 17 seasons so far or from the films, the Broadway musical, the comic books, video games, or other tie-ins, you’re going to have fun with this book. And you don’t even need to be a fan of the show, but it helps to be eager to make some tasty desserts. All the recipes were supplied by chef and Eisner nominated comic book artist Jarrett Melendez.