Trailer Park–The (less than blockbuster) Summer Weekend Edition

Movie concession food alone in theater

There might be a reason the movie concession food in the above photo is alone in the theater and the popcorn doesn’t look happy.

We have six trailers for this weekend’s edition of Trailer Park, all with something in common:  They all will be competing for your entertainment dollars as they all will be opening the weekend of June 28, 2013.  Another thing they have in common?  They might prompt you to find something else to do on the weekend of June 28, 2013, other than go to a movie.  But at least there’s a new Jason Statham movie.

Decide for yourself:

Byzantium is a mother vs. young daughter story about living with a mother who is a vampire, a “woe is me” daughter, and a very uninteresting-appearing melodramatic story in a 19th century setting.  The only thing this has going for it is Bond girl Gemma Arterton stars as the vampire mom.  But if you want to enjoy watching a bad movie starring Gemma Arterton you’d probably be better off renting Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters.

Here is the trailer for Byzantium:

Copperhead is a Civil War era flick by the makers of Gods and Generals, one of the worst Civil War movies ever.  ’nuff said?  It’s hard to understand how the marketing folks released this trailer with a pretty incomprehensible female lead.  I can’t make out anything she is saying in this preview.  It’s OK, speak up, you’re making a movie.

Here is the trailer for Copperhead:

Detention of the Dead is probably the lowest budget film opening over the June 28 weekend, yet it takes itself less seriously than its overwrought competitors.  Despite several obvious Buffy the Vampire Slayer knock-off lines in the trailer, this could be a fun movie.  Unfortunately, it will be in limited release.  So watch for it on video or late night TV down the road.

Here is the trailer for Detention of the Dead:

The Heat will likely be the big winner for the weekend, box office-wise.  Fans of Melissa McCarthy and Sandra Bullock will likely get to this one despite it being apparently only a female version of buddy cop antics that have been done over and over.  Definitely not your typical mainstream Bullock movie–if you’ve only seen the TV previews check out the red band trailer online before going to see this one.

Here is the red band trailer for The Heat, showing a few funny scenes:

If you’re a fan of Jason Statham movies, then you will either be in the theater for his new release, Redemption (formerly titled Hummingbird), or you’ll wait for the video release.  This new flick looks even more like a Steven Seagal or Jean-Claude Van Damme movie than Statham’s films normally look.  Still, if someone gave you money and threw you in the theater with the other weekend films, this would probably be the best bet.

Here is the trailer for Redemption:

Did we save the worst for last?  Maybe.  So this was what Channing Tatum was doing instead of starring in all but the first minutes of this year’s G.I. Joe sequel.  White House Down is clearly the big budget effort for the weekend’s offerings.  But look at the subject matter and ask if you, or anyone you know, really want to see this.  If you’re like me, you’re tired of Hollywood blowing up world landmarks.  It was new in Independence Day.  Now it’s old and uninteresting.  And could Jamie Foxx and Channing Tatum look less excited about promoting this one?  That may tell us all we need to know.

Here is the trailer for White House Down:

All of these movies open June 28, 2013.

Hey, you could always read a book.

C.J. Bunce

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